Life after "WEIGHTLOSS SURGERY"

Today is Saturday january 18, 2014
I am now 33 weeks post op...
I had my RNY Gastric bypass on June 5,2013 and thats when life really changed for me.
Now to back up a little you need to know i had tried for almost 4 years to qualify for the surgery it took me that long to even meet with the surgeon,,,  I felt like i was fighting for my life! I actually never even thought the day would come that i would get here.... I would see others in the weightloss community getting their surgery getting their life back and meeting their goals and finally living life.... But i truly didn't understand how rewarding and how Difficult this part of my life truly would be... Alot of times people show u the good stuff the weightloss, needing to buy new clothes becuase the old ones don't fit anymore, But so many times people never tell u or show u the struggles.... 
Now Don't get me Wrong i am so thankful everyday that i was given a second chance at life... It is no life living over 500 pounds!!! It is a lonely, lonely place, where life consists mostly of sleeping and eating!! At the same time being over 500 pounds actually 560 pounds to be exact for over 10 years you really get used to life like that... you get used to not going anywhere, people not wanting to be around you, being made fun of, having anxiety, and Major, Major depression!! You learn to do things different than others...
So now brings me to JUNE 5,2013
Never thought the day would come... Didn't know what to expect, I was scared.... Was i gonna make it? would this be my last day? could i make it through surgery at 500 pounds? what kind of pain would i be in? I was entering the unknown...
So of course i made it through surgery( or else you wouldn't be reading this... LOL ) The recovery was so painful and hard.... mostly because i had an open surgery...

I know not a pretty sight but i made it and was in the hospital less than expected!! Which made me happy... i got home and the pain for the next 2 weeks was almost unbearable... I really had "BUYERS REMORSE" mostly cause the pain was so bad and i could barely move, the smell of food made me sick!!! I was on a liquid diet for 2 weeks and i felt awful... I had people tell me OMG you are gonna have a huge scar, but honestly i would rather have a HUGE scar than be 560 pounds again... But bigger than that i NO LONGER have type 2 diabetes... That is amazing to me....so for the next few weeks after being home i was using a walker cause my balance was so off...  but once i was able to walk without assistance my life felt so weird... I am not used to walking to the car without being winded!! not use to walk around the store without feeling like i'm gonna die or fall down or people are staring at me and laughing!!
I guess at 12 weeks is when i had my first experience with eating 5 french fries... Honestly it didn;'t even taste good!!! I learned what works for me and what absolutely doesn't...
It is still a learning process everyday even at 33 weeks out!!
So fast forward to now!!! 33 weeks post op.... I struggle with what i can and can't eat and since i don't DUMP (a group of symptoms, including weakness, abdominal discomfort, and sometimes abnormally rapid bowel evacuation, occurring after meals in some patients who have undergone gastric surgery) While eating anything sugar, It makes things so tough... I have alwas been a sugar addict and that is why its so hard to stay away!! So as of today food is still an issue for me and i don't think that will ever change!! I just need to learn how to deal with the food and the cravings that come with it, because unfortunately unlike a drug addict or a alcoholic i can not stay away from food... I need it to live!! But i must remember food is no longer my BEST FRIEND!!!
So Today I am currently 418 pounds i have lost a total of 142 pounds since my highest weight.... Which is alot but i guess i keep looking at what i have left to lose rather than looking  at what i have lost already.... But i can truly say life is better and i am much happier at 418 pounds today than i ever was at 560 pounds... I think i'm Beautiful Even with all my FLAWS!!! I think i'm an amazing person... 
I just want people to know Having WEIGHTLOSS SURGERY doesn't mean life is easy, it's actually very hard, But when u are told you could die.... It makes having the surgery all worth it!!!