LIFE IS A BLUR

Growing up i never really knew where i belonged and never really felt loved!!! The one person who i did feel loved by one day was no longer there...My grandpa who always made me feel like he loved me and truly cared was no longer in my world anymore in high school that was the worst news i could ever get!!! Not that life wasn't hard enough but now it was gonna get even worst!! I had NOBODY to turn to NOBODY who saw me for who i was not by my size... How could life be any worst!!! My World came crashing down and ever since then my life has been a huge blur!!! I felt like i never could do anything right... I remember my life here and there but honestly my life feels like a bad dream or a horrible story i am reading... But no until about  2 years ago i finally realized i have the power to change my life..It's up to me to start writing my own story but was i ready... NO!!! I wasn't i have only been existing for the first 36 years of my life... I felt like the whole world hated me... WHY?? I guess cause i hated myself!!!  I think i finally got to the point where i am tired of feeling sorry for myself.. I was acting like a victim!!! It was time to take my life back it wasn't gonna be easy, but is it worth it HELL YA... I am WORTH IT and i now know that... I know i'm probably rambling.. but this is how my life has been... never had any consistency!!! never had any real purpose for my life!!!   I have always felt like a big blur who has never deserved anything I sure didnt think i deserved HAPPINESS!!! BUT DO I??? I don't know i mean i know everyone deserves happiness but who is gonna show it to me...  I guess today i know i am in charge of my own life .... IF I WANT IT, I GOTTA GO GET IT!!!

This is the beginning for me!! when i Woke up and life started ... I know it was my time now...It wasn't gonna be easy, but it was time to fight!! Only i could do this for me!!! DEC 2011   VERY VERY UNHAPPY!!! and in PAIN!!!